Original article:
Ah, I can answer that question for you based upon the science of being human. And the answer to that question is that human beings, like apes and monkeys and certain other species are very, very social beings. We love to chat and talk and fritter the days away with one another. When you are engaging in a good social dialog, many areas of the brain become alive and aware in the pleasure center of the brain. During sex and orgasm, they ALL light up.
We are wired for sex, and if not that, then social friendships. These trigger our pleasure centers like nothing else.
It’s like a dog that barks. When a dog barks, he is actually happy and healthy and his pleasure centers are lighting up. So dump the “no-barking” devices to train your dog not to bark. Dogs are wolves and need that happiness.
Now we can get a bit further into your question of relationships between men and women. For some reason, initial research shows that when a couple at a party is present, when another man comes near to enter the conversation, almost always the man’s fear center in his brain will start to spark up. (99%+ of the time) The same is NOT true for women. (less than 5%)
That’s right, women are oblivious to other women.
And I bet your women readers are looking at this article and saying “what ARE you talking about? Why would this be a problem? I have men friends,” blah, blah, blah.
Men will understand the article, because their brains are wired this way.
This is clearly something MEN need to work thru, on a scientific basis.
I recall one time my husband said, you know that guy X your business associate, he really bugged me for a while (think of the wasted emotion of jealousy) and I had to work that thru but I’m okay now. I replied, “How nice of you to expand your (rational) thinking.” (Good job on pickup the dragging knuckles.) In reality, I could care less about the guy, he was giving me business and I love my HUSBAND and not some other Joe on the street. Yikes. My husband has a female boss that is CEO of the company! He’s with her everyday, but I understand the mechanics of love. I’m not threatened by that.
It’s interesting that your articles are just kind of yackety yak. It would be nice if you did some psych research first and put a bit of science behind what you are doing.
Every couple needs break time and away time with friends. Once a night for boy’s night out or girl’s night out is great for a healthy relationship. Just don’t overdo it. When you find yourself inexplicably drawn to someone, as if it were love, when you already have a relationship, red lights should be going off in your head. If not, get some therapy. No other relationship should supplant that of your spouse and children and become addictive. One night a week is good and make it with others. One meal once a month is okay.
But the most important aspect of “other friendships” — and the one you totally ignored — is how does your significant other feel about it and are you willing to comply?
If you’re not looking at the other person’s feelings and their perspective and whether THEY feel threatened or jealous and are sincerely and actively asking them “how can I help you feel better about this?” –that is where the true problem lies. The problem is not created or cured by some dumb article in a magazine or on OU.org.
We are here to learn how to love others and then go home. If your SO says “I feel threatened” then deal with it or walk away from the other relationship. It’s not worth it.
And if you’re a husband with a sparking fear center over some dumb guy, talk about it and work it thru with your wife. If she loves you she will do this.
I also note your article does not mention love and the levels of love, which is very important to women. We love to hear about and think about love.
Don’t be afraid of the “L” word. It is very, very important.
I love you all…
OU Feminist Goddess Answer 